When you believe you are looking out a window and realize that you have been looking in a mirror the realization is shocking, embarrassing, humiliating and humbling to say the least. WE like to believe that we do not create our own enemies. That the “other” is really a mean spirited person, rude, hurtful and that life has been unfair to us. To own our Otherness is a major jump in our self awareness.
It is such hard work to discover our projections. To own the traits, attitudes, feelings or behaviors which belong to us but that we do not experience as our own. WE are often unaware that when we feel we are being rejected by others we are in fact rejecting others and keeping them at a distance. Our discomfort with closeness forces us to cope by keeping our safe distance.
So, what does this have to do with Anger and the Blame Game. If I feel lonely, not loved and rejected I will lash out at the person that I believe is rejecting me in anger. I will blame them for the feelings of loneliness. My need to be loved and liked or accepted makes me very vulnerable and so I put on my armor, blame the other person, shout in anger, and go back to feeling unloved and lonely.
WE grow up blaming “other” from earliest childhood. He hurt me, he won’t let me play . WE get so frozen in our beliefs that “others” are to blame that we are unable and unwilling to accept that when we accuse the other of unfairness, hurtful behaviors we are in fact also doing those same behaviors.
Yes it is very hard to stop and ask ourselves every time we want to lash out at another, is that the way I am? Am I jealous, critical, harsh, mean spirited? It is a rare person who can answer that they do not project their own attitudes onto others and then blame them for their anger and misery.
I believe that self awareness is a lifetime work. Learning to identify your projections and then the hard work of owning them takes a long time and the help of a professional. In my opinion, we cannot see our own backside and it takes courage to look at the dark side of ourselves and then own that darkness. When we finally do get comfortable with the fact that we are both wonderful and awful, angel and bitch, then the journey starts to get very exciting.
More at another time.