My paranoia and the Art Nouveau candlestick

I’ve lost the art nouveau candlestick  I’ve lost the  antique telephone.   I’ve lost the Life magazines with the pictures of John Kennedy on the front with the pictures of his assassination.   Other the past year these things have come to mind occasionally and I’ve been aware that they were not were they were supposed to be.   My first thought is that I have packed them away somewhere and can’t remember where.    I have looked and looked.   There are no longer any unpacked boxes in the house.     Some of these items were missing before we moved one year ago.   I remember asking my husband if he gave the magazines to a friend and he denied doing so.     So, my mind wanders and I have to assume that someone who has been in our house has taken these items.    None of them were of any worth dollar wise.    They are antique items that I liked and they had some sentimental value.   At most they would have sold for $200 to an antique dealer.

   What is most dispiriting about this small loss is that it portends a larger loss of trust.   I remember when my mother was in her dotage that she began to believe that people were stealing from her.   As far as I knew that was never the case and yet she became very protective of her “things” and somewhat suspicious of people, including some family members.   When thoughts of the above items come to mind I am reminded that I am also getting old and perhaps all of these thoughts are just the results of  my own aging and the paranoia that seems to accompany that state.   I am also very aware that to be attached to “things” brings no happiness so letting go of the things is not a problem for me.   What is a problem, however, is that my trust has been diminished and for sure that is not helpful.

 The only solution to my lack of trust is to continue to work on my non attachment to things and the acceptance that people are not perfect.      These things in the house are only things. I can enjoy them for awhile and if they are lost or stolen try to not let them become more important than they were.    If someone wants something I have they have only to ask.   Mine is not a home with many valuable items.



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