Honest Feelings, No Way!

Spring, 2009. A year has gone by since I last blogged. Spring must be the time for new ideas, creativity, motivation to again move out of my winter doldrums. I have changed the title of the blog to Stage III – Musings since that is where I am in life. I had given thought to trying to offer psychotherapy on the internet thru this blog , however,I no longer am interested in offering psychotherapy to anyone, in person or via the internet. Attempting to manage my own aging and spiritual journey is all I can manage. More and more I feel I have little advice to offer anyone, much less those in are in trouble psychically. I am resisting becoming an aging turtle pulling her head into her shell and isolating more and more.

Why am I again attempting to “reach out” to friends and family who might be interested in conversing with me or reading my thoughts? I have a need to self express, to state what I feel and think without worry about the impact those statements may have on those I care about. Honesty takes a great deal of courage, especially for an Irish woman who grew up in a family where keeping the family intact was more important that how I as an individual felt. Despite the stress caused by not stating feelings and thoughts that may be hurtful to others my belief even at this stage of life is that the family or group is more important that the “I”.

So, for now I ramble no more and attempt to get this published on blogspot or………

Adios, Peggy

The Beginning Blog

San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.
I’ve spent the past few weeks planning on visiting a friend who lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mx. (SMA). After a horribly hot summer in the California desert and with the evenings finally cooling enough that I can leave the windows open at night I could relax enough from my summer angst to let myself plan a trip for pleasure.
I spent a good hour on the telephone with the airline this morning attempting to use my air miles for the trip, all to no avail. It appears that there are very few seats available unless I’m willing to travel into LAX. Doing that takes much of the pleasure out of the trip. Some other time I’ll blog about my abhorrence of L.A. traffic conditions. I then spent time on the internet checking out possibilities and found that since I last flew to SMA two years ago the air fares have increased approximately $200-$300 for a rountrip fare. Times they are achanging!
Now the above wouldn’t ordinarily cause me to change my travel plans since, even though I’m on a budget, I do feel that at this stage of the game I can’t take the money with me (wherever I’m going) and I do feel that visiting friends and having diversion is a necessity in order to continue feeling alive.
You will notice the above date of this blog and that remember in the past week our stock market has plunged and climbed and then plunged again. The oil prices increased today by $45 a barrel. My husband and I live mostly off of our lifelong savings with a small monthly retirement from past employments. So, looking at the portfolio, do I make the trip or not? How careful should I be? There is Christmas coming with seven grandchildren, children’s birthdays, family dinners, all which have become more and more pricey.
It is my norm to slip into thinking “poor”, a lifelong habit based on a childhood of economic poverty and having to always be very, very careful. Finding a balance between denial based on the reality of our economic times, the reality of my time on this earth being in the last one third of my life and knowing that each day is a gift and whether or not if I deny myself this gift of travel and a visit with a friend will I feel disappointed, depressed, resentful.
I’ll see what I dream tonight. I need to let the unconscious do its work, accept the outcome. My neck and shoulders are tired from all the time on the telephone and the computer today attempting to make travel arrangements. What is that telling me? Stop trying to push the river – Que sera, sera.
Monday, September 15, 2008
The Beginning Blog
On Sunday I read in the L.A. Times of a psychotherapist who is 100 years old and still practicing psychotherapy. So, after a period of time away from active practice I was motivated to create this web site and offer psychotherapy by internet. I am 71 years, my brain still working and so why not?
The most difficult thing for me in this process of aging has been the lack of passion for many of the endeavors that I was sure when I retired I would feel great passion for. I have tried several volunteer jobs and after a while find they no longer interest me. Having a passion and being involved with ever changing people has always been what has caused me to want to awaken in the morning. The older I get the more I like my story and the stories of other seniors, some sad, some delightful, and all very interesting.