My Addicted Mind

Oh my mind! If you could only learn that everything is non-substantial and transitory; if you could only learn not to grasp after things, not to covet things, not to give way to greed, anger and foolishness; then we might journey in quietness.   Then, by severing the bond of desires with the sword of wisdom, being undisturbed by changing circumstances –  advantage or disadvantage, good or bad, loss or gain, praise or abuse – we might dwell in peace.”   Teachings of Buddha. 
Back to the basics of practice, practice, practice.    My state of mind with its wanderings down old memory paths filled with grievances and losses is stuck in the rut of memory and “shoulds”.     I know better and yet the call of the old way is so powerful that before I can even think about what I am doing I am immersed in the acid bath of shoulds why nots, how can I fix it, etc.  This society that I live in does not support the aim to”not attach to permanence”.     I remember as a young woman walking in a department store and being drawn to how beautiful the jewelry and the perfume displays were.   I wanted, wanted, wanted.      I even then knew that if I continued to go there the wanting would not cease and that buying all the jewelry and perfume in the world was not going to satisfy my anxiety.  My wanting safety and security is much like the man who is thirsty and  puts salt in his water.     The thirst cannot be satiated.  The solution is easy enough, but oh so hard to change old habits.
Of late I have felt lonely, some anxiety, missing my family and feeling somewhat left out as I don’t hear from them as often as my “should” dictates.      From there my mood goes down, I do not sleep, I pace and look for things to fill my day.     I feel like a person who hasn’t bathed in many days and is starting to reek of body odors and old dirty clothes.     Finally I am tired of being dirty and decide I need to take a bath, wash the clothes, clean out the house.   There is something that pushes me to good health, some inner mind that first awakened faith in me that there is something more than life and death.  I can have peace.    However, not without the hard work that goes with practice.
The old thoughts, the old ways do not work.   Please mind, do not disturb me any more or cause me further sufferings.  Allow me the freedom to overcome greed, anger and foolishness.  


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