EVENINGS have never been my favorite time of day, I’m basically a morning person. Up early, 5:00 A.M., put on the coffee, sit and stare into space while I drink that first cup. Walk with the dog, write on the computer, telephone friends that are also morning people. To bed early and up very early. I can remember as a teenager my mother never had to request that I go to bed. I was usually in bed before anyone else in the family and of course, also up before anyone else in the family.
By dusk the ability to concentrate is like a pond where the water starts to seep out the edges. There is no holding on to the thoughts or emotions of the day. The ache in my shoulder, the pain in my lower back and hands usually start to throb and in order to get comfortable I need to decide to take or not take an aspirin or other such medicine for aging aches and pains.
The morning grass is wet and the air cool. The green is greener, the blue of the sky bluer the air not yet smoke filled from the automobiles and early morning rising of the local pupulation. I visit the graves of the pets, light the incense for the family altar; my mother, my brother, dead now seven plus years and let my eyes move back and forth over the pictures of all my grandchildren. I think “dear god, hope they will all be healthy, well and have no serious trouble in their young lives. So far, they have been fortunate. I listen for the sounds that connect me with life; dogs barking, the next door neighbor’s rooster crowing, the morning news on CNN, the financial news on CNBC. Find myself thinking even when the financial news is bad – Que sera. There is nothing I can do about the state of the world.
A telephone call from a friend, she says we “should” walk more, go to more cultural events, plays, live music, movies, get together with other ladies, have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, again I visit the pet graves, read a book, watch a movie, stare into space, notice how my body feels as I relax and briefly there is no pain from the arthritis; such a pleasure to not have pain for brief periods of time. Feel the water leak from the pond, the diffuse feelings, and thoughts of the morning vaguely remembered.